There are times in our lives when a single fleeting thought can shake us to our core. Our child wanders off and we immediately think about what would happen if they've been kidnapped. Our spouse is 10 minutes late home from work and we begin to think about how we'll react when we hear the news of the accident they've been in. Or our Doctor calls with our test results and leaves a vague message and we are sure that he is going to tell us the worst. We tell ourselves not to worry, after all worry is a sin, right? We are just preparing ourselves just in case. Instead of spending our time allowing our worries to guide us, we need to remember what the Bible tells us.
In Philippians 4:8, we're told, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." So applying this verse will help you when you're tempted to let your mind wander in a direction that will lead to worry.
First, ask yourself, "Is what I'm thinking about true? Are there facts to back up my concern?" Yes, your spouse is 10 minutes late, but is there traffic or did they get held up at the office? What are the facts? It's easy to get caught up in the what if's and a lot harder to stop once that train of thought has started. So stop at the first thought and ask, "Is what I'm thinking true?" If it's not, stop. And pray that God will take the thoughts away.
Second, replace the thoughts that lead to worry with those that are noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable. In 2007, I was sent to have a biopsy of a lump that was found in my breast. The time between the mammogram and the biopsy was about a week, but it felt like it was forever. I found myself overwhelmed with thoughts of what I would do if I had cancer. How would I continue to be a foster mom to our baby girl? Who would come to help me? Where would I need to go to seek treatment? All of these questions swirled around my head. The day after being told I would need a biopsy a nurse from my doctors office called me. She told me that most of the time lumps turn out to be nothing more than a cyst. She said that I needed make sure I didn't worry about this. She also reminded me of this verse. She said, "Right now, what we know to be true is enough to pray about." She also reminded me that I needed to fill my thoughts with my husband, daughter, those who loved me, but mostly of God. He is noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable.
I would like to say that her pep talk was all I needed to overcome the worry I had at the time. It helped and when I caught myself, I was able to remind myself of what I needed to fill my thoughts with. The lump turned out to be a cyst, just as she said. Since that time I have had other times when I have had to choose to think on what was true. And given the choice to change my thought pattern. It has not been easy, but I have found that during times of worry I can do what 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." It is not easy to do. But a person of wisdom knows that right thinking can reduce our worries and fears.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
Grace is Very Light.
Matthew 11: 28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
We walk into church with smiles on our faces. When asked, “How are you?” we say, “Fine. Doing well. How are you?” We take our seats. Read the bulletin. Talk to our neighbor. We sing with the praise band and listen to the pastor. All the while our hearts are breaking and our burden is too much for us to bear.
Along the journey of our lives we have become rock collectors. As we walk along we pick up rocks that seem to be placed especially for us. We place these unhealthy rocks of remembrance into large packs that we carry on our backs. If we could see others the way that God sees us we would be able to see the large packs that each of us shoulders around. A pack filled with the rocks of our past mistakes and current sins. The rocks read, “Lost my temper and yelled at my kids. Worst mom in the world.” “ Was feeling lonely and unappreciated so I looked at online pornography. Worst husband in the world.” “I took money from my work. Worst employee ever. ” “ Lied habitually. Horrible sinner.” The pack grows heavier every day. The burden too much to carry. We think if anyone knew what I had done they would kick me out of the good Christian club. So we smile and volunteer in areas we are not gifted in hoping that maybe, just maybe, some of the rocks will disappear if we just work hard enough. If we just prove to God how serious we are, how sorry we are, then some of the rocks will disappear. We try over and over to stop sinning, stop rock collecting, but each day fills us with deeper despair.
In Pilgrims Progress, when Pilgrim gets to the cross, the pack that he has been carrying filled with his sins and past mistakes, suddenly falls off his back and rolls away. We believe that the cross takes the sins we have committed up until the moment of our salvation and washes them away. But what we sometimes forget is that the blood of Jesus washes away all our sins. We don’t have to carry the pack. We don’t have to carry the rocks. The wonderful grace of Jesus means that we get to rest. We don’t have to continue to carry the guilt and shame. Nothing that we can do will ever take the place of the work Jesus did on the cross. We can’t add to it with our works and can’t diminish it with our sins.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Wisdom in Dealing with People
Proverbs 31 teaches us about wisdom in dealing with resources and in dealing with people. So today, I would like to discuss the practical implications of using wisdom when dealing with people.
Mr. Fred Rogers used to tell his wife, “Everyone would be easy to love if we knew their story.” We don’t often get the chance to learn a person’s story when we have brief encounters with them. We are often left to deal with the aftermath. Remembering that makes it easier to deal with a rude clerk or the guy who just cut you off in traffic.
On December 28, 2007 I found myself sitting in the airport in Ohio. My husband,our 11 month old daughter and I were waiting for our connecting flight into St. Louis. We were making an unexpected trip to my parent’s house in Moberly, Missouri for my dad’s funeral. Our plans had been that my parents were coming to our house the day after Christmas. They were going to meet their granddaughters for the first time. My dad entered the hospital with severe stomach pains early Christmas morning. He died three days later. I was watching the people bustle around, many on their way home from a Christmas trip and I thought to myself, No one knows that my dad just died. I tried to hold myself together but the loneliness and sorrow overwhelmed me at that point. For the exception of my husband sitting next to me not one person in the airport knew anything about my lose.
Looking back at that time has made me realize that when I come into contact with strangers that I might not have any idea what they are dealing with. Greeting a clerk with a “How are you?”, saying thank you when someone lets you go through the door first or smiling as you pass down the aisle might not fix anything in their life but it might make them feel just a little less lonely.
Dealing with people can be hard. Sometimes just remembering that everyone is facing things that we don't know about. Wisdom takes into consideration that while we may not like the way we are being treated by someone, we don't have to react but can always respond with kindness.
Mr. Fred Rogers used to tell his wife, “Everyone would be easy to love if we knew their story.” We don’t often get the chance to learn a person’s story when we have brief encounters with them. We are often left to deal with the aftermath. Remembering that makes it easier to deal with a rude clerk or the guy who just cut you off in traffic.
On December 28, 2007 I found myself sitting in the airport in Ohio. My husband,our 11 month old daughter and I were waiting for our connecting flight into St. Louis. We were making an unexpected trip to my parent’s house in Moberly, Missouri for my dad’s funeral. Our plans had been that my parents were coming to our house the day after Christmas. They were going to meet their granddaughters for the first time. My dad entered the hospital with severe stomach pains early Christmas morning. He died three days later. I was watching the people bustle around, many on their way home from a Christmas trip and I thought to myself, No one knows that my dad just died. I tried to hold myself together but the loneliness and sorrow overwhelmed me at that point. For the exception of my husband sitting next to me not one person in the airport knew anything about my lose.
Looking back at that time has made me realize that when I come into contact with strangers that I might not have any idea what they are dealing with. Greeting a clerk with a “How are you?”, saying thank you when someone lets you go through the door first or smiling as you pass down the aisle might not fix anything in their life but it might make them feel just a little less lonely.
Dealing with people can be hard. Sometimes just remembering that everyone is facing things that we don't know about. Wisdom takes into consideration that while we may not like the way we are being treated by someone, we don't have to react but can always respond with kindness.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Wisdom in Love
In today's society we hear a lot about love. I love chocolate, my husband, a good book and my kids. Sometimes it gets hard to decipher what real love looks like. We observe the couple with the seemingly loving marriage file for divorce after 27 years saying,"We just aren't in love anymore." Or the ever popular breakup line I love you I'm just not in love with you. Love, were told, is an intense feeling that should never fade, but when it does you have the right to go look for it in someone else.
So what does love look like for someone striving to live a life of wisdom. The bible gives us some clues. The biggest being I Corinthians 13. "4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails." This all sounds good but what does it look like.
Love is Patient : Even after telling your kids 15 times to pick up the shirt they dropped in the middle of the room, love does not loose its cool.
Love is Kind: It always chooses kind words, and actions. This is not reactionary based on how I am treated but an action choice. I choose to treat my coworker kindly even when they are rude and inconsiderate.
It Does not Envy: Love is not upset when passed up for the promotion again. It does not spend its day wishing for Mr. Smith's boat, Mrs. Fing's big house. or Miss Jones independence.
It does not Boast and is not Proud: In the last few weeks my husband and I have jokingly been starting sentences with, "Not to Brag. . ." Which means we are about to. Love says I do not need to be the center of attention. Nor do I need to draw attention to myself by singing my own praises. If my actions are noteworthy let someone else take note. I do not need to point them out.
It does not dishonors others: In my last blog I talked about honor. Honor is respect and admiration. Love always chooses to respect and admire.
It is not self-seeking: Love is not looking out for their own interest. It is more concerned with the needs of others than it's own. It does not look for self gratification because it is on the look out for how it can satisfy others.
It is not easily angered: Love does not use sarcasm or angry words to cut and hurt. While it might get angry it does not have a short fuse. Those around us do not ave to worry about the slightest thing setting us off. They know that we can take a lot before we become angry. Even in our anger we do not harm another with our words or actions.
It keeps no records of wrongs: This is a hard one for me. I like to keep all those mean things that have been said filed away so I can take them out when I need to and replay them in my mind. I can say see this is what was done to me. This is why I react the way I do. See I am justified. But Love says it does not matter. Let it go.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth: When love hears that something bad has happened to someone who "deserved" it, it is not happy. It does not pass on juicy gossip. It chooses to be happy when the truth is discovered. When the truth is brought to light and lies are not given a chance to grow.
Love always protects, always trust, always hopes, always preservers: Love is in the business of building someone up. Even when they are doing their best to destroy what they have. Love chooses to believe the best about someone. It always believes that truth will win. It always stays no matter what.
Finally Love never fails: This kind of love will always be around when a wise person chooses it.
Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice. Love is a decision to chose the best action instead of the worst reaction. True Love is what a wise person always chooses.
So what does love look like for someone striving to live a life of wisdom. The bible gives us some clues. The biggest being I Corinthians 13. "4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails." This all sounds good but what does it look like.
Love is Patient : Even after telling your kids 15 times to pick up the shirt they dropped in the middle of the room, love does not loose its cool.
Love is Kind: It always chooses kind words, and actions. This is not reactionary based on how I am treated but an action choice. I choose to treat my coworker kindly even when they are rude and inconsiderate.
It Does not Envy: Love is not upset when passed up for the promotion again. It does not spend its day wishing for Mr. Smith's boat, Mrs. Fing's big house. or Miss Jones independence.
It does not Boast and is not Proud: In the last few weeks my husband and I have jokingly been starting sentences with, "Not to Brag. . ." Which means we are about to. Love says I do not need to be the center of attention. Nor do I need to draw attention to myself by singing my own praises. If my actions are noteworthy let someone else take note. I do not need to point them out.
It does not dishonors others: In my last blog I talked about honor. Honor is respect and admiration. Love always chooses to respect and admire.
It is not self-seeking: Love is not looking out for their own interest. It is more concerned with the needs of others than it's own. It does not look for self gratification because it is on the look out for how it can satisfy others.
It is not easily angered: Love does not use sarcasm or angry words to cut and hurt. While it might get angry it does not have a short fuse. Those around us do not ave to worry about the slightest thing setting us off. They know that we can take a lot before we become angry. Even in our anger we do not harm another with our words or actions.
It keeps no records of wrongs: This is a hard one for me. I like to keep all those mean things that have been said filed away so I can take them out when I need to and replay them in my mind. I can say see this is what was done to me. This is why I react the way I do. See I am justified. But Love says it does not matter. Let it go.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth: When love hears that something bad has happened to someone who "deserved" it, it is not happy. It does not pass on juicy gossip. It chooses to be happy when the truth is discovered. When the truth is brought to light and lies are not given a chance to grow.
Love always protects, always trust, always hopes, always preservers: Love is in the business of building someone up. Even when they are doing their best to destroy what they have. Love chooses to believe the best about someone. It always believes that truth will win. It always stays no matter what.
Finally Love never fails: This kind of love will always be around when a wise person chooses it.
Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice. Love is a decision to chose the best action instead of the worst reaction. True Love is what a wise person always chooses.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Wisdom in Honoring Each Other
While watching Prince Williams wedding to Catherine Middleton I was struck not only by the beautiful dress, and elegant bearing of the couple, but by the passage of scripture that Kate's brother read. During the reading of Romans 12 he came to verse 10 which says, "Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." I began to think what it would look like if I strove to outdo my husband in showing honor. Or if I treated my children or friends in this manner.
Honor according to the dictionary means to regard or treat with admiration and respect or to give special recognition to. In most marriage vows we promise to love and honor each other. So what does a wise person do to show honor? Once we are showing honor how do we then outdo one another in showing honor? In some instances it is easy to show honor. When your husband comes home with flowers for no reason. When your kids play without fighting for hours allowing you a few minutes to work quietly. When your coworkers give your the credit you deserve for a job instead of taking it all for themselves. All of these are easy situations to show honor, after all our desires are being met. But what do you do when you have gotten 3 calls from your kids principal this week and it is only Tuesday? When your spouse will barely talk to you. Or when you know that walking into work is like entering a battle zone.
Honor does not require that you are treated correctly. It does not require that you are honored in return. It does not require that you ever receive respect at all. A wise person knows that showing honor is a choice. Treating other with admiration and respect requires them to do nothing. It is not something that is earned but something that we choose to show to others no matter how they act.
When we promise to love and honor another person just as William and Kate did on Friday we are not putting conditions on it. We are not saying when you do what I want then I will honor you. When you show me respect then I will reciprocate. No, a wise person knows that outdoing one another in showing honor starts with the decision to honor without conditions. Realizing that you may never receive honor in return but you are only responsible for what you do not what others do.
Honor according to the dictionary means to regard or treat with admiration and respect or to give special recognition to. In most marriage vows we promise to love and honor each other. So what does a wise person do to show honor? Once we are showing honor how do we then outdo one another in showing honor? In some instances it is easy to show honor. When your husband comes home with flowers for no reason. When your kids play without fighting for hours allowing you a few minutes to work quietly. When your coworkers give your the credit you deserve for a job instead of taking it all for themselves. All of these are easy situations to show honor, after all our desires are being met. But what do you do when you have gotten 3 calls from your kids principal this week and it is only Tuesday? When your spouse will barely talk to you. Or when you know that walking into work is like entering a battle zone.
Honor does not require that you are treated correctly. It does not require that you are honored in return. It does not require that you ever receive respect at all. A wise person knows that showing honor is a choice. Treating other with admiration and respect requires them to do nothing. It is not something that is earned but something that we choose to show to others no matter how they act.
When we promise to love and honor another person just as William and Kate did on Friday we are not putting conditions on it. We are not saying when you do what I want then I will honor you. When you show me respect then I will reciprocate. No, a wise person knows that outdoing one another in showing honor starts with the decision to honor without conditions. Realizing that you may never receive honor in return but you are only responsible for what you do not what others do.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Wisdom in your Strength
In Proverbs 31:15 we read that wisdom assigns portions to her servant girls. This passage is not only talking about taking care of their physical needs with food but also their tasks for the day. Now I do not know anyone today who has servants or live in help but we all have people in our lives whom we work with. A wise person knows that people work best when they are working with their strengths. The wise person knows how to discover the strengths of those around and allows them to use these to accomplish the goal.
Delegation is one of the hardest things that I do. I often feel like I need to do all of the jobs in order to insure that it is done "right." "Right" of course being my way. What this does is two things. First it prevents those around me from using their gifts to enhance the kingdom of God. Second it makes me irritable, angry and unbearable for my husband and children to be around. When I am trying to do tasks that I have not been gifted to do I am stealing the joy that others may have doing something that I find mundane and overwhelming.
A wise person knows that they can not do it all and if they try it will overwhelm them. A wise person finds the strengths of those around them then allows them to complete their tasks without looking over their shoulder, offering suggestions of the better way accomplish it. By micromanaging we are telling the person that although we accepted their help we really don't think they are capable of accomplishing the task. We diminish their gifts and insist that only ours are important.
How sad that we think so highly of ourselves that we can not appreciate the talents and abilities that God has given to others. A wise person not only knows how to discover the strengths of those around them but also how to cultivate them. A wise person does not see asking for help as a weakness but sees it as an opportunity for others to use the talents and abilities that God has given them.
Delegation is one of the hardest things that I do. I often feel like I need to do all of the jobs in order to insure that it is done "right." "Right" of course being my way. What this does is two things. First it prevents those around me from using their gifts to enhance the kingdom of God. Second it makes me irritable, angry and unbearable for my husband and children to be around. When I am trying to do tasks that I have not been gifted to do I am stealing the joy that others may have doing something that I find mundane and overwhelming.
A wise person knows that they can not do it all and if they try it will overwhelm them. A wise person finds the strengths of those around them then allows them to complete their tasks without looking over their shoulder, offering suggestions of the better way accomplish it. By micromanaging we are telling the person that although we accepted their help we really don't think they are capable of accomplishing the task. We diminish their gifts and insist that only ours are important.
How sad that we think so highly of ourselves that we can not appreciate the talents and abilities that God has given to others. A wise person not only knows how to discover the strengths of those around them but also how to cultivate them. A wise person does not see asking for help as a weakness but sees it as an opportunity for others to use the talents and abilities that God has given them.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Wisdom In Words
Proverbs 31 is a summary of the entire book of Proverbs condensed into twenty-one verses. So it's no surprise that the passage mentions that a wise person uses wise words. Proverbs 31:26 says, "She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." While this means that she does not gossip or slander, it also means that she uses her words wisely for faithful instruction. Not for idle chit chat, but for instruction. It also means that her words are calming. Her words bring joy to others hearts. Her words do not demean, but encourage. Her words are not said in haste and anger, but with love and patience.
I find that at times the tone of my words says a lot more than the words themselves.When repeating the same instructions I have already given two times before, my words may be the same, but my tone can take a sharp edge. Or when trying to win an argument I become more concerned with getting my point across than with how my words are affecting the other person.
It is the words spoken to us that resonate in our soul longer than anything else can. The old saying,"Sticks and Stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me," is a lie. Words hurt worse than any physical pain. Words spoken in anger, hurt,and sarcasm seem to have sticking power far longer than words spoken in love, patience, and joy.
What a world it would be if we learned to speak words of wisdom and faithful instruction. Our children would grow up without the weight of carelessly tossed words. Our spouses would never feel the bite of our sarcasm.
A person of wisdom knows that their words have a powerful impact on the people around them. And they choose wisely the words and the tone in which they are spoken.
I find that at times the tone of my words says a lot more than the words themselves.When repeating the same instructions I have already given two times before, my words may be the same, but my tone can take a sharp edge. Or when trying to win an argument I become more concerned with getting my point across than with how my words are affecting the other person.
It is the words spoken to us that resonate in our soul longer than anything else can. The old saying,"Sticks and Stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me," is a lie. Words hurt worse than any physical pain. Words spoken in anger, hurt,and sarcasm seem to have sticking power far longer than words spoken in love, patience, and joy.
What a world it would be if we learned to speak words of wisdom and faithful instruction. Our children would grow up without the weight of carelessly tossed words. Our spouses would never feel the bite of our sarcasm.
A person of wisdom knows that their words have a powerful impact on the people around them. And they choose wisely the words and the tone in which they are spoken.
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