This is where you belong

I have been a christian for most of my life. I was in church at 2 weeks old. I accepted Christ as my Savior at 4. I was Baptized at the age of 5. I spent every Sunday, Tuesday night and Wednesday night at church. At the age of 15 I publicly dedicated my life to Christ. Saying "I will go anywhere and do anything that you ask me to do." I attended Bible College. Volunteered in various church positions my whole adult life. I would tell anyone who asked that yes Jesus blood covers your sins. If you believe in Him you will be saved. But I have lived my life with a secret.
While I believe that Jesus blood covered my sins to save me. I have felt that since my salvation the blood has not reached far enough to cover my sins. I have felt that while Jesus loves the worst sinner. He only felt slightly warm toward me. I needed to do a lot to prove myself good enough to be allowed the privileged of  being called his child. So I worked really hard. And when I sinned I confessed and I tried to figure out what I would need to do to make it up to God. I have lived my entire adult life with these thought.
When I think of God I see in my mind a large room with a big, comfortable, overstuffed chair. It happens to be green. God sit in this chair and is surrounded by his children. Those that are good enough to be close to the chair get to tell God anything they want and he hears them. A little further out is another circle of children who talk and get heard. The children go further out and as you get out here sometimes what you say get drowned out by the others. I have often pictured myself in this room. But not in the first or second circle. No I am huddled in the corner wearing tattered rags, shivering from the cold and crying. I have been let into the room but just barely. And I certainly do not have any right to approach the chair. Recently though, My picture has changed. For you see God himself, came down from the chair. He walked past the other children. He walked all the way to the back of the room and into the corner where I was huddled. He bent down and picked me up. He replaced my rags with new shining close. He wrapped me in a blanket and carried me back to the front of the room. He sat down in the chair with me on his lap. He said, "This is where you belong. You placed yourself in that corner. And I have been watching you. I never said that you needed to be there. When you became a child of mine you received all the rights and the permission to approach me anytime you wanted. You put the rules on yourself and slowly moved into the corner. This is where you belong my child. Right here." So today I am resting in the lap of my God.